


Two Bros Sitting in a Hot Tub

by DarthJessie (JessicaStarscream)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars-The Last Jedi
Genre: Almost Kiss, Being Walked In On, Crack, Funny, Hot Tub, I AM SORRY, Kylux - Freeform, M/M, Vines, literally this is just a vine reference, two bros sitting in a hot tub
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-10 22:53:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13511427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JessicaStarscream/pseuds/DarthJessie
Summary: Hux finally decides to use the hot tub Phasma installed on Starkiller Base, but doesn't realize Kylo Ren is in it.





	Two Bros Sitting in a Hot Tub

**Author's Note:**

> This is literally just crack. I'm sick and I got this idea in the shower while thinking about vine. Two bros sitting in a hot tub five feet apart cuz they're not gay. I promise you I will write real stories soon. Seriously I swear ok now read the crack and enjoy

There was a lot of cool shit on Starkiller Base. There was a snowy forest, there was a huge bunker stashed with weapons, there was a mini grenade factory- 

But the coolest shit by far was the hot tub. 

“Captain Phasma,” Hux yelled, “Why in the universe did you install a hot tub?”

The silver-plated captain only laughed. 

“You should try it,” she said, “You never realize how nice it is to release some tension until you do. Take a break- you deserve it.”

Hux was extremely skeptical. 

“Phasma, with all due respect, I am a General! The first order looks up to and respects me… Can you imagine what they would think if they walked in on my lounging in a- In a hot tub!”

Phasma grinned underneath her helmet. 

“Oh, I don’t think it makes any sort of difference. Besides, most lower officers are on duty today. Give yourself some time off!”

Hux sighed. The idea of such warmth did sound quite good. 

“I will.... Consider it. Thank you Captain.”

 

It wasn’t until later that day that Hux finally took Phasma up on her offer. He had just barely survived a day of constant nagging by one of his subordinates, and Snoke’s angry orders through his hologram projector. If he did any more work, he would surely pass out. And like Phasma said, all lower ranking officers were on duty then, so Hux would not be disturbed. 

When Hux entered the spa room, it was filled with steam, making it hard for the General to see anything. Immediately, he felt his muscle tension begin to lift away. 

Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all. 

He slowly and meticulously removed and hung the robe he had been wearing, and stepped carefully into to hot tub’s near-boiling water. It almost burned at first, but was soon as soothing as ever. Hux let out a sigh. 

Oh, yes. This was a great idea. 

At least, Hux thought it was until… 

“Hello General.”

Hux let out an embarrassing shriek. 

“Ren?!? What are YOU doing here?!?”

“I was wondering the same of you.”

Through the steam, Hux finally made out the buff and shirtless figure of Kylo Ren. Damn he looked disgustingly fine. 

“Captain Phasma sent me.” Hux stuttered. 

“She sent you to meet me in a hot tub?”

Hux’s face turned red.

“No-! That’s not what I-! She told me to take a break from working!”

Kylo nodded. 

“I see.”

“What are you doing? Aren’t you supposed to be looking for that scavenger girl in the woods? The droid? The map I recall YOU said I should ‘worry about my sake’ for getting?”

Kylo frowned. 

“Yes. But I’ve decided to take a break.”

“And why’s that??”

“Because I have her in the interrogation room.”

There was a pause. 

“Oh. Well then… I suppose you better get on that.”

“Perhaps I will. But, General, for now I am taking a break. It feels like Mustafar in here… Like I’m about to burn up and become the next Darth Vader!” 

“In a hot tub?!?”

“Yes. In a hot tub.”

Hux could not believe his eyes or ears. Kylo Ren shirtless in a hot tub, talking about becoming to next Vader? The whole thing was absurd, and Hux was beyond offended. 

But those abs… 

It was then that Hux noticed his acute proximity to Kylo, and inched a bit farther away from him-

About five feet apart. 

“What’s the matter Hux? Don’t wanna sit next to me?”

Hux’s face was even redder then. 

“Moving towards a jet, Ren. And what’s it matter to you?”

 

“Don’t know. Just thought maybe you weren’t as repulsed by me as you seem to be on a daily basis with Snoke during vacation hours.”

“Vacation HOUR. One hour, to be precise. I must return to work as soon as possible, and you must too.”

“Hmph, I take orders only from Leader Snoke.”

“Whatever, Ren. All I’m saying is that I have no desire to- to lie about with you all day in a hot tub!”

 

Kylo thought for a moment. 

“That actually sounds kind of nice, General.”

“It does- What?!”

“I wouldn’t mind it.”

It was then that Kylo and his General locked eyes from across the room, the stream from the hot tub seeming to connect them. And oh those abs… 

As like moths to a flame, the two slowly drifted closer together, until eyes were shut and lips were so close together and-

“Guys! Are you gonna be out of the hot tub anytime soon? I want to take a bath- Oh!”

It was Captain Phasma. 

Immediately, Hux and Kylo separated, realizing what they were about to do. 

Unsure how else to respond, Kylo said what everyone reading this is probably thinking: 

“Two bros, sitting in a hot tub! Five feet apart ‘cause they’re not gay!”

Phasma sighed. 

“Whatever! I just need to take a bath!”

Hux ran out of the room faster than he had ever run in his life. 

Though something told him he’d be returning to the hot tub with Kylo again…


End file.
